Photocopies

 sourcesource
 I said yesterday to a really good friend that I wish I could print out a visual of what my heart looks like and what it feels like. I wish I could accurately show how I feel because I feel like I can’t explain it very well. I just sat down to write this blog post and as I wrote my heart kind of printed out at the bottom, and I think it looks pretty accurate.

Hiiiii. I’m in the mood to write and not in the mood to edit. Don’t even try to make me. “All writing is revision.” Literally do not even this is my blog and I’m in a real weird mood {coffee} and I’m in the art lab with Abi and they have mac keyboards which are pretty much my favorite aesthetic of all time and I CaN’t StOp TyPiNg.

Songs I’ve been listening to today:

  1. Solitaire- Marina and the Diamonds
  2. My Way (feat. Monty)- Fetty Wap
  3. Keep You- Wild Belle

This digressed into a list of lists so fast it’s unreal. @ Jeff Shott sorry

Things I’ve been thinking about today:

  1. What to pack for fall retreat. I’m leaving this afternoon and it’s pouring rain and supposed to rain all weekend.
  2. Fall retreat in general. My squad

“squad!”

-Fetty Wap

of closest friends is forsaking me this weekend, but there are so many cool people going and I’m really excited to adopt some more baes into my life.

  1. WordPress makes you start a new list after a block quote, but that block quote is too valuable to delete, so I’m leaving it and starting a new list. I don’t know what this list is going to be about.
  2. I have a lot of things I’m thinking about but I feel like I can’t talk about them because everything I say might bother somebody, and I really am frustrated with that. I want to say simple things, like how I’m in the market to sell my bike and get an oldschool roadbike or fitness hybrid or something, but I got my current bike from someone I care about, and I don’t want it to be weird that I’m changing it. I want to say that I’m lonely, but that would hurt my friend’s feelings because a lot of people hang out with me all the time and I don’t want them to think I’m lonely because they aren’t enough. I want to say that I feel really confused about what God is doing in my life because my circumstances seem contradictory and I don’t know what it means. I want to say that I feel bored of all my commitments. I want to say I don’t feel inspired or joyful. I want to say I feel apathetic about a lot of things. I want to say I feel embarrassed that I’m not intentionally seeking adventure like others are, and I’m frustrated that I don’t seek intense challenges for myself.

I also want to say I’m not late for my class, but I definitely am. I want to say I’m super thrilled can’twaittogo excited about this weekend, but I definitely am not. But I think God has a plan for this weekend. I’m going in blind and I hope he challenges me and changes things. Because there are a lot of things I would like to change.

xx

  

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