How to write a paper

photo by Green Chameleon via Unsplash

happy finals

prewriting is to care. care about your topic or care that someone else once thought to care about your topic or care that your topic matters to your professor or that it exists in the world of topics at all or that it helps you learn, or care that your professor or some grad student has to read whatever you turn in or at the very least care about your grade. it is ostensibly pointless but convince yourself that it isn’t and then maybe it won’t be.

outline outline outline. get some paper and a pen you like maybe a big sharpie or a crayon. use an expo marker on your fridge or your floor or tape tin foil to your walls and rub it until its smooth and sharpie it. whatever. make big circles or neat lines. if your paper has to be six pages long draw out six pages (I do rectangles but they can be any shape you can imagine because they are imaginary pages) and color in the parts that have to have intelligent words in them and then color code which kinds of words go in each color. outline outline outline.



don’t start with the introduction paragraph first, why would you do that you don’t know what the paper is about yet. write the first body paragraph first. start saying stuff.

divide everything you have into four or six points (your body paragraphs)

***you can fit two paragraphs per page in an academically synthesizing essay, so if you need a four page paper, you need eight paragraphs, so divide into six points so you’ll have six body paragraphs plus an introduction and a conclusion.***

BODY PARAGRAPH: topic sentence, quote outside reference, rephrase topic sentence, refine your point, explain why it matters, comparative transition. [academic transition help]

repeat for each body paragraph

write so fast and SO BAD don’t waste time trying to decide between wording do that after put all the embarrassing or disconnecting parts in bold or caps and yell at them later just write it all down and let it be ugly.

then get a thesaurus, hide your suck, and PRINT THAT SUCKER AND GO TO SLEP.


repeat weekly for four years and you will earn an undergrad. con[under]grad ulations.

alternately titled: how to write a blog post.



comment what your papers are about I wan to kno

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s